A phantom and a fly (wik) wrote in rod_mckuen,
A phantom and a fly
wik
rod_mckuen

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A long one, from Moment to Moment

INNER WORKINGS

I have seen you
when your smiles and frowns
were so tied up and intermingled
that none -- not even you
could have said
with any sureness
what face you were giving
        to the crowd.

I have walked with you to subways
when parting was difficult
and less than twnety minutes later
been with someone else
and loved you none the less.

I have spied on you
and looked accusigly,
when I, myself, knew well
that I was in the wrong.

I have wept for you,
           about you
and one time with you.
I have shared your secrets
and kept private
secrets of my own.

I have fought with you
and over you,
loved you and disliked you
in equal parts
and at the same time.

I have thought
that I would die
if you failed to turn up
on some pre-selected night
and when you didn't --
      wished I would.

I have loved you
never asking if I should.
I have trusted you
not caring if I could
   or couldn't.

In company
with strangers or your friends
I have smiled and gone on smiling
when I thought no single smile
                  or grin
was yet left inside me.

If we were unhappy
with one the other
why shouldn't it be
                 just our concern?

I have watched you play
with other people's children
and felt they were our own.

I've heard you hum
some made-up tune at breakfast
and watched you killing time all day
while you awaited killing me at night.

I have lied to you
for no good reason.
I have troubled you
and even when I knew it
sometimes that didn't make me stop.

The things we do
in love's name
never stop amazing me.
I'm amazed that love
can live at all
through all the subterfuge,
pass through all the barricades,
stumble over all the obstacles
we constuct and put up
       in its way.

That first seed
wherever planted
must have been a hearty strain.

Just now
what kind of passion
stirs inside me
     I can't say.
I feel for you
and it's as much as love
but whether it's because
I feel you leaving,
slipping from me day by day
or because I need, depend on,
         want just you
I have no way of knowing.

Our lives together
have become so knotted,
          muddled up
that who's to say
       where the heart ended
and habit started in to open up?

I love you -- yes
But I don't mean for you
                to know it.
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